Whoop! Whoop! O3O
I thought maybe I would come here and tell you some stuff that's happened to me over the last two months:
- Saturday, 14th of June - I passed my driving exam and got my license two days later. So yeah, hooray highway dangers TwT
- I celebrated my mom's birthday as of June 24th, I bought her a necklace that looked really similar the one from the James Cameron "Titanic" movie.
- I celebrated three years with Mystic2760 on July 21st, I sent him a necklace and he sent me two boxes of Gunpla (which I regret to say I no longer have shelf space for TwT..)
- I went to a beautiful beach resort in Pattaya with my dad, who was on a seminar, to keep him company. The trip was supposed to last the 20th to the 22rd; unfortunately we had to end it abruptly on the afternoon of the 21st because my mother was admitted to the hospital due to some sort of stomach infection.
- I stayed with mom at the hospital from the 21st to the 28th of July; I didn't mind sleeping over with my mom - plus a lot of her friends came to visit so it was never a dull moment.
- I spent the rest of July getting in as many artworks and sketches as much as possible, most of them being Steven Universe related; and more or less catching up with MLP:FiM Season 7 (I am severely lagging behind).
..so yeah, safe to say my June and July has been jam packed, even tho I wanted to spend the summer doing absolutely nothing - it was nice to have something going on. But alas, the fun can't last forever. I hope and pray this semester will just flow on by - and that I meet some nice people this year.
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(05/08/2018 - Sunday)
Took a trip to the optometrist today...
The objective of the trip was to see if my eyes were suitable for laser treatment, my mom had saved up for this treatment for a while and she had planned since I was 14 and today she also didn't hear what she wanted to.
Turns out, my cornea is really thin and my eyesight actually has worsened over the years. We always thought my eyesight hasn't budged since last year, it was our mistake of trusting some no-name optician to give me the results for my eyesight - and a matter of fact is; my folks used to take me to a local clinic to have eye checkups yearly, until I turned around 12-13 years old; when I questioned them why they stopped bringing me, they simply told me: "if your sight remains the same, then there's no reason to go" - I regret not bugging my folks after that, because now it's freaking everyone in my family out and I'm being forced to lessen my time with technology.
Sad to say; I will be on the computer less, doing my artworks even less, less time on my iPad and phone. I just don't want this business to affect my eyesight - because if my cornea goes way too thin there's a chance I could go blind... and then I really will have no purpose.
Mom is still crying from time to time, my dad is silent about the topic, and I'm scared to even think what my aunt would think about this; and I have caught myself crying too. If I do go blind, all my years of hard work will go to waste. The doctor has mentioned PRK surgery; but the price was hefty my mom turned it down - even though my eyesight would improve significantly.
so yeah.. this is my life now.. there is not enough miracles in this world to fix my eyes; and I would hate to abandon the only skill people appreciate me for.
Please pray this improves for me, somehow, I'm so scared. So massively scared.
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(13/07/2017 - Thursday)
That is IT! I have HAD it with her bullshit, this one single topic she keeps poking at with a knife for the past 17 years!!
I AM SO DONE!!!
All day everyday, poking fun at my feelings, at my emotions - I have been keeping my cool for so long I can't keep it cool anymore!!
Why mom?! Why is it so hard for you to accept that I am comfortable with a SMALL GROUP OF FRIENDS!!? Why is it so HARD for you!!? You accuse me of being anti-social, being a loner -- I tell her every single time to drop it and she never does!!
My dad has helped me with this multiple times and he's even more stressed than me - the subject has been brought up too many times to count. I have tried being strong, I have tried holding my emotions to myself -- but I'm shattering.
"why are you such a loner all the time? Talk to people more!"
"you used to talk to people, why are you so distant now?"
"those Internet friends of yours aren't real friends - find some that are tangible!"
"something has to be wrong with you mentally, honey tell me! If something's wrong we'll go to a hospital"
YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME MOM!!? YOU!! YOU ARE WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!!!
Close dA friends know this, but this has to be said. I am tired of being quiet.
As a child, my mom would always force her life on me. Everything she wanted as a child, she tries to push it on me.
Believe it or not, my mom actually forced me to take piano lessons, I didn't even enjoy it. A few years after, tried to force me to take guitar lessons - simply because when she was my age, she couldn't afford to play musical instruments. The moment I got support from my dad to go to art school, she began to change. She compliments my artworks now but I know it's half-hearted - in middle school she saw I was struggling with math and tried to tutor me (which I appreciate to this day) - but one thing about my mom is....she is easily angered, but the slightest thing. If things doesn't go her way, if people don't do what she says - she looses it. I will never forget how she treated me - I remember sitting down at my desk doing math sums with my mother, I kept getting this one question wrong and she was boiling up. She began to pinch my arm and told me to "do it right!". I tried again, this time she pulled my hair; and began to tell me what a failure I am. As a 12 year old this is not something you wanna hear, especially from your own mother. I just feel like my mom was out to get me - she never agreed with my hobbies, she thinks my interests are stupid, I talk about nothing but nonsense, etc. This fear was automatically installed into my head, and my immediate response to it was just - to keep quiet, keep away to myself, talk less, be less noticed -- in my head I believed that if I ever showed who I truly was, or spoke too much -- someone will hurt me, like how my mom hurt me. I distanced myself from everyone else out of fear of being harmed - as I grew older, this feeling fades; but ever so slowly to a point where my mom accuses me of being anti-social.
I felt like the moment she retired, the power went so far up her head that it never left. She has just to feel power and superiority somewhere - and that 'somewhere' was on me. She began controlling me, enforcing her lifestyle on me, wanting me to be her clone. This is all true, and there is no way I can just make this up will-nilly; my mom doesn't always approve of what i wear outdoors, she complains about every little thing, she often uses anger as a base of judgement, if she doesn't get her way she either pouts; or gives the silent treatment (which she does VERY often). She has the "you have to do this my way, or not at all" mentality; I blame her position at work. She had too much authoritative power. People gave in to her too much. The yearning for power went to her head -- as I said, after she retired, she had no one to focus that power on, so she threw all of her shit onto me.
It isn't easy hiding this much emotion behind a blank face, but I've been doing it for years I could consider it a defensive skill.
Now I know what most of you are gonna say: "Why don't you speak about it with your mom?"
My answer; I have - and it hasn't stopped her. I've gotten my father involved often, as I mentioned before; also hasn't stopped her.
The topic of friends, how I meet people, how I live my life, how I dress, what I like -- covered EVERYTHING over with my mother and she still refuses to stop (the topic of friends comes up the most) - my mom just doesn't know when to chill out.
She's also known to make empty threats just to scare me - as a child I was indeed scared, I'm turning 22 this September and now I just think her threats are nothing but bark and no bite. Threatening to hurt me, threatening to abandon me, threatening to love another child that isn't me, threatening to move out (let's be honest she has nowhere to go); she even threatens to take away the likes of my TV, my laptop, my iPad, and my phone -- all of which she has never had the guts to do. Empty threats. Bullshit.
Don't get anything twisted guys; this is just me being mad at my mom's attitude - I still love her with every ounce of blood that pumps through my heart; but that woman just needs to stop toying with my emotions. The yelling, the threats; there is so much beating one person can take before they shatter like glass. I'm still holding on, but frankly, it's only a matter of time before I slip and fall. The only other two people who knows of my mom's attitude is Israel42 and Mystic2760 - because I confine in them the most. So forgive me guys, if I'm not gonna be peppy or energetic - right now I am home alone with some peace and quiet; which I have been begging for. I'm gonna do some sketches and try to calm myself down.
Pray some sort of miracle happens; I need it more than anything right now.
Thanks for stopping by guys, you have no idea how much it means to me.
Have a good morning, afternoon, evening, or night; wherever you are. May The Force Be With You.
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(11/07/2017 - Tuesday)
Advertising Enigma Workz!!
They do all sorts of comissions, and personally I'm just doing this so my sister can get paid and her mom will stop nagging her =w=;;
This is their commissions info, it's their Facebook page, so do as much digging as you want - it's all here!!
--> [link] <-- ----------
(29/06/2017 - Thursday)
Summing up my Hong Kong trip
DAY 1: (26/05/2017 - Friday)
The tour arrived at Hong Kong Airport at around 7-8am (if I remember correctly) - I got Wifi the moment we landed, and I immediately Skype Call the one and only Mystic2760 - who welcomes me to his home country. The first day we spent half a day at Ngong Ping village for lunch and window shopping - we were later scheduled to drop off at Citygate Mall for shopping before the day ended. This is where the most wonderful moment of my life happened - when I met my little bro, face to face, for the first time. I saw him from a distance and everything was in slow motion for me, I ran for him and tightly hugged him, nearly tackling him down mind you XD ..oh man, and he came dressed up in his Kirito gear, which was A-MA-ZING. We spend that time period walking around the mall just talking, and holy shit was he tall. He's approximately 5"8' - I'm 5"2' so I felt like a little mouse compared to him. The coolest thing other than that, was he actually hauled over a huge box of Gunpla models from my wishlist, I nearly screamed. It was everything that I could and couldn't find in Thailand. At around 5pm we separated - me and my folks went to dinner, then to the Symphony Of Lights - personally I love it, but my dad wasn't all that impressed. I went to bed a little late that night, because I was so excited and giddy.
DAY 2: (27/05/2017 - Saturday)
HONG KONG DISNEYLAND!! My first time at Disneyland, my very first. Even though the wakeup call was at 8am, I woke up so much earlier. We left the hotel at 10am, bro was there earlier than we did (as we both planned the night before) - the moment the bus drove into the parking lot of Disney, my adrenaline was way up. We got our pass from the tour guide leader and I immediately went looking for baby bro - he was hanging out by the front entrance, rocking his Marvel shirt. The moment we got in - boom, Tomorrowland. Why? Because Ironman. This dork is THE biggest Ironman fanboy ever, we got in line to ride the Stark Expo 4D movie theater and he was already giddy standing in line. I asked him questions even I didn't know about Ironman, and he gave me answers in under a second. Dude, the brain is a wonderful organ XD ..after that we headed over to Hyperspace Mountain, my inner Star Wars geek began showing. The ride however, was...how to say...made me feel drunk. Oh yeah, and this mofo had his head down the entire time XD we were so drunk we had to eat something, it was around lunchtime so we had ten minutes to rest (FYI: got another lightsaber, purple. My folks were not happy, since I had a blue one back home XD) - after that we just walked around to Grizzly Gulch, we couldn't ride the coaster there since our stomach were still settling from lunch. So we passed through to Mystic Point instead, going right to Mystic Manor, which was a little scary but also cool - I accidentally screamed into bro's ear, so sorry for that bro!
..after that we passed through Toy Story Land, we didn't ride anything - the RC Racer looked cool, but it just wasn't for me. Fantasyland was mostly kids stuff, we didn't ride anything there (also, the line for the Merry Go Round? Hell no!) - and so the cycle repeats, and we went back to Tomorrowland again XD (rode the Tony Stark Expo thing a second time, worth it!) - we went into the souvenir shops and actually bought a few stuff, bro got t-shirts, I got a Marvel themed backpack, and yes, the lightsaber from the Star Wars shop, and I believe he got tiny Tsum Tsums of BB-8 and R2D2 for his little brothers (which is sweet) - my favorite rides there? The Grizzly Gulch coaster, Hyperspace Mountain (even though it made me feel nauseous), Mystic Manor, and Buzz Lightyear's Blaster ride (I still say the score was rigged! XD). Oh oh, we even crossed the river on a raft to Tarzan's treehouse - where I met my enemy. Stairs. This is where the walking began hurting my knees, calves and soles - the pain was worth it. Standing in the crowd watching the morning, noon and night parade - then the fireworks finale (bro wasn't there to see it with me because he was in a shop getting a photo, if ya wanna see it you can ask him). The end of the day, I teared up a little as we walked out at 9:15pm. It was certainly the best day of my life, and I will cherish it always 
DAY 3: (28/05/2017 - Sunday)
I was still hurting from Disneyland, my calves especially. I had to bathe my entire leg in hot water just to lessen the pain; the wakeup call that morning was 6am (I'm used to waking up at 5am for school anyways so, it was no biggy) - we checked out of the hotel at 7am with our luggages packed and on the tour bus. We went out for breakfast, then out to several temples to make wishes, then to lunch - after lunch we headed to Repulse Bay to the last destination, which is - another temple. We finished an hour ahead of schedule and had an extra hour to explore the Ocean Terminal mall - bro came a little late but we did get to roam around Toys R Us for a while, I didn't buy anything at the end, because Disneyland had me dried up. We just looked around, picked up toys to look at, played around with masks and looked through more shelves of Gunpla. After that we walked around because my mom wanted to do some shopping - admittedly we were a little bored (me and bro, especially), but it was fair, since my parents let me loose the entire day at Disneyland. At 6pm we had to go to the airport, the tour guide allowed bro to come along to drop my fam off. Cue the waterworks. Yeah, at the departure gate I cried like a baby (actually getting a little teary typing this down) - I just didn't wanna leave. These three days were the absolute best, and I am immensely glad I spent it with my family and my lil bro. After passing through, we just ate before the flight (we thought they wouldn't be serving anything else on the plane home, but they did) - I was stuffed, and we came back to Thailand around 11:15pm, left the airport at midnight, said goodbye to the people who were on the tour with us; including the tour guide leaders. Returned home 15 minutes before 1am, I just knocked right out.
I hope to return to Hong Kong again really soon to make more memories with my little brother and my family.
Here are some of the photos I took during the best day of my life, the rest are with lil bro, if you guys wanna see some you can ask him, he has plenty
Photos are all here in my Sta.sh: sta.sh/22cu891h24c5
Hope nothing was too hectic while I was away.
I'll be getting some rest now guys, see ya around ^w^
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(29/05/2017 - Monday)